Zuma surf spot review

Three miles of beautiful sand? Check. More barreling peaks than you can shake your stick at? Check.  Summertime crowds so intense it’ll make you wanna dunk your head in a porta-potty? Make that a big fat check. Zuma has it all: great surf, plenty of parking, and actual sunbathing girls. Its sandy shoreline is exposed to nearly every possible swell angle, and the waves can get pretty good from time to time, offering up steep take offs and the occasional barrel.

Location: Heading north on PCH, Zuma is just after Heathercliff Rd., at the bottom of a large hill. The entrance to the parking lot is one the left.

Setup: From the cliff at Big Dume all the way to Broad beach, Zuma is one large beach break. The sandy bottom is constantly shifting with the tides, winds, and waves, so the lineups are always moving and rather spread out.

Swell and tide: Whatever the swell direction, it will most likely break here. Swells from the south or southwest tend to do better, but wests, northwests, and windswells can often work there way in was well. Honestly, Zuma is exposed to everything Neptune can throw her way. However, as with most beach breaks, she will do better with a higher tide, and as much offshore wind as possible.  Most of the time, the waves here are small mushy close outs, but with the right tide, swell, and bottom conditions, Zuma can be downright epic. Keep in mind though, anything overhead (without the ideal conditions) will pretty much close out.

Access: Well, you can pay to park in the parking lot, or you can park right on PCH. Most of the year there is more parking here than at Disneyland. Summer time though, is a completely different story. Once the Valley heats up to a million degrees, everybody heads over to Zuma to cool down. So, if you’re planning on visiting Zuma during the summer, just be prepared for every vehicle registered in the greater San Fernando Valley to be parked there.

Pros: When its good, Zuma can look like a mini Pipeline. Moreover, there’s plenty of parking, and the line-ups are so spread out that you rarely ever have to share a wave.

Cons:  Well, most of the time Zuma is less-than-stellar. Any onshore wind will create close outs galore, and Zuma is totally exposed to even the slightest breeze. And did I mention that it gets absolutely insane during the summer time? On a serious note, the waves can get pretty heavy here, and people do get hurt from time to time.

Surf fact: Oh nothing really all that interesting. Well, except for the fact that the famous statue of liberty scene from the Planet of the Apes was filmed at Big Dume. Oh and thousands of other movies, TV shows and commercials have been filmed there too. All in all, nothing interesting has ever really happened there. 

Can pretty girls surf?

 Surfing is a male dominated sport. A statement like that is not easily contested, especially when most line-ups around the world have a pretty uneven ratio of board shorts to bikinis. Lets face it, even the pages of Surfer display this sort male centered mindset, as article after article discusses the trials and tribulations of Jordy Smith or Joel Parkinson, while relegating the fairer sex to showing off their derrières in Reef ads.

Keep in the mind though, that there is no doubt that women can surf. There are magazines, clothing companies, gear, and even a portion of the ASP tour relegated solely for women. Heck, even Gidget got her own movie. Nevertheless, when it comes down to it, men tend to have more say in the surfing community than women do. That is simply because most of the big name surfers throughout all of surfing history have been men, and not women. Whether it was Laird Hamilton at Teahupoo in 2000, or Duke Kahanamoku at the turn of the century, men have been at the focal point of this sport. This concept inherently implies that men have committed more to surfing then women have, and thus also inferring that men have more surfing talent then women do, partially explaining the attitude of male surfers around the world. With that being said, can women come to influence surfing as much as men do?

That answer lies with a girl named Maya Gabeira. A native of Ipanema, Brazil, Maya began surfing when she was fourteen. She is now twenty-three, and is credited with riding the biggest wave ever surfed by a woman (a fifty-foot bomb at Dungeons South Africa). She has won the Billabong XXL award four years in a row, surfed at many of the major big wave spots around the world, and to top it off, she is incredibly beautiful. So there you have it, pretty girls can not only surf, they can surf better then most men can. It may be a stretch, but it is entirely possible that a woman like Maya (or another talented female surfer like Layne Beachley) could make the next big splash in the surfing world.  While the surfing community will undoubtedly remain male dominated in the near future, women like Maya Gabeira will hopefully secure women the respect the fairer sex deserves in the line up. 

Tiburon, Tiburon...

On August 10th, Mr. Chuck Patterson took his SUP out at San Onofre State Beach, and using a Go-Pro camera, recorded two juvenile Great White sharks circling his board. One was approximately 7 feet, the other was about 9 feet. Keep in mind that these are not full grown sharks.


Today I checked Sharkresearchcommittee.com, which is a site that is dedicated to tracking shark sightings up and down the Pacific Coast. The reports are made by common folks; surfers, beach goers, spongers (i.e. shark bait), and fishermen. They are usually all the same: so-and-so was chilling in the water, or walking on the beach, then he or she saw a large black fin, promptly pooped their pampers and ran to the nearest lifeguard station. Every now and then you get a dedicated waterman (or woman) who accurately notes the length, size, and type of shark that they witness, and somehow during the whole event they manage to take a stellar National Geographic style photograph or vid.


However, when I read this site, what "chums my water" the most are the reports that are made at beaches that I've surfed before. Like El Porto, or Sunset, or even Big Dume. Then I think about all of those times that I have been sitting alone--in murky water mind you--and I wonder if maybe a juvenile whitey was lurking below, contemplating whether or not he should give me his version of a Facebook poke. Just for the readers personal knowledge, the whitey poke is often quickly followed by painful defriending.


Ah, but sharks have been in the ocean long before I started surfing, and they will be there even at the end of the world (when they grow legs and begin attacking people on land). We are only guests in their realm, and we must show them respect. Not to mention that those sharp-toothed locals are often more afraid of us then we are of them. So, all in all, be cool to whitey. With that being said though, if you see a cute seal in a Kevlar vest, show your respect by getting the hell out of the water.  


Here's the link to Mr. Patterson's video: http://www.surfline.com/video/locals/great-whites-off-san-o_46403

Here's to you Ahab... and Guinness

Well, Hollywood may not get surfers, but the limey film industry sure does. Thankfully, nobody was eaten by a white whale during the filming of this commercial. Click the link to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3JEORDUEqc

Da Cat got your tongue?

Some have labeled him as an icon of the rebellious attitude of the 1960's, while others just think he was an selfish asshole.
Mickey "Da Cat" Dora was an eccentric man to say the least. While he contributed a great deal towards the progression of the sport of surfing (such as being one of the first surfers to use a pintail board), Da Cat is much better known for his outlandish behavior. For instance, Mickey had a knack for stealing anything that wasn't bolted to the ground. He also spent a good eal of time in prison for a large scale credit card scam. His actions in the water though, were what made him famous. Like a pit-helmeted explorer picking off leeches from his own ass, Mickey relished in relieving Surfrider's lineup from bothersome kooks.

His coup de grace of course though was his famous "exposure" during a Malibu surf contest. During the 1967 Malibu Invitational Surf Classic, Mickey took off on a wave, slid beautifully down the line, and when he passed the tower where the judges were residing, he dropped his shorts and mooned the crowed. That was the last time Da Cat would ever participate in a contest.

However, his whole attitude of burning kooks like a kid shooting cans with a b.b. gun has somehow integrated itself into the attitude of Malibu point. Burn somebody in the line up, and there's a good chance you will not be making the next wave. I experienced that once myself, as one pendejo literally shoved me off a wave (though it retrospect he did have the right away). Malibu is an amazing wave that has the unfortunate luck of being located next to a urban sprawl of several million people. Da Cat said that he punished kooks because he had a right, and after spending a good deal of time in the water myself, I can understand what he meant. I too have felt that urge to smack some kook as he completely burned me on his brand new SUP in total and blissful ignorance.

However, that sort of aggression goes completely against the idea of surfing. Surfing is an artistic escape. Why should anything that positive be tainted by anger? Yes, it can be frustrating in a line up full of folks unaware of the code, but angry reprisals are disrespectful to not only the surfing community, but to the ocean as well.

Though Dora will live on at Malibu as long as there are both waves and people, do try and have compassion for that poor Val or kook when your surfing First Point. Who knows? Maybe whitey will witness your selfless act and decide to eat a surf Nazi instead of you.

Leo Carrillo Surf Spot Review

If you’ve ever seen the movie Gidget, this is the beach where Moondoggie, Kahuna, and their posse of fellow surf bums debunked the man by riding waves all day. And they had the right idea, because once you see Leo Carrillo (a.k.a Secos, or Arroyo Sequit Point, or Cobra Kai dojo hang out) pumping, you’ll also feel the urge to grab your single fin log, quit your day job, and play a ukulele all day long like a typical cliché Hollywood surfer.

Location: Driving north from Malibu on PCH, about a mile before the county line between L.A. and Ventura. Just across the highway from the entrance to Leo Carrillo State Park.

Setup: Leo is your classic right point that begins around a large group of rocks. There is a small creek which empties between those rocks and the main point, and it brings with it a healthy assortment of sand and cobblestone, which is then deposited along the ocean bottom to create an ideal point break (once the swell is present mind you). However, unlike its supermodel cousin Malibu point, girl next door Leo’s usually not that great, as it needs a good bit of energy to get it working.

Swell and tide: If the swell is from the south or south west, Secos will turn its raw energy into a work of art, like a sculptor creating a statue from stone. On a summertime swell, the sets at Leo can be ridiculously perfect (watch some of the surf scenes in Gidget to see what I am aiming at). Large wests or northwests can also do their magic here too. Once the swell hits overhead, the initial take off zone by the rocks moves outside, to a spot known as Primos. Incoming tides and offshore wind will only further improve wave quality.

Access: You can park along PCH, or you can park at the Leo Carrillo State Park for genuine American greenbacks.

Pros: With the right south swell and offshore breeze, surfing at Leo is like traveling back in time to 1959 and stepping into the shoes of the great Miki Dora. Also, you can camp, fish, and dive there as well.

Cons: I love Secos, so it pains me to say this, but it does have its fair share of negative points. First off, it’s usually flat. And when it isn’t flat, the line up can be as tense as the O.K. Corral. Whoever sits closest to the main takeoff rock will get priority on the wave, and it is so tight, that two longboarders (or there equivalent of four shortboarders) working together can literally take over this entire spot.

Surf fact: Despite the fact that the novel took place at Malibu Beach, the movie Gidget was filmed at Secos. Miki Dora was the surfing double for James Darren’s character Moondoggie, and Mickey Munoz donned a bikini and blond wig as Sandra Dee’s character Francie Lawrence a.k.a Gidget.

Staircase/Heavens Surf spot review

With such descriptive names, one would think Heavens was an idyllic surfer’s paradise (complete with 12 foot barrels and sunbathing Victoria Secret models), and that Staircase actually had a staircase, but alas, the names are kind of misleading. Heavens is unfortunately supermodel free, and there are no stairs at Staircase. To top it off, these spots are mostly flat during the year. However, when the North Bay is hit by a large SW or NW swell, and every single spot between County Line and Malibu point is literally chock-full of neoprene and fiberglass, these two breaks will act as a sort of safe haven for crowd weary locals looking to score a few waves.

Location: If you are driving north from Malibu on PCH, Heavens will be just after Secos, and Staircase will be just before County Line. Heavens is actually easy to miss, as it is part of the Leo Carrillo State Park, and does not have any “direct” access from PCH. Staircase is less than a ¼ mile before County Line, and it has a dirt parking lot with a trail that leads down from the highway to the water.

Setup: Both breaks are point/beach breaks. Staircase offers mostly rights with the occasional (but very short) left. Be prepared to take off late, as the waves often lack power. Heavens is a much faster wave that can offer a rather steep take off. Both rights and lefts can be found on the menu, and the occasional barrel is not unheard of.

Swell and tide: SW or NW. Most of these times these breaks are flat, with Secos and County offering much better waves. However when swell is somewhere between waist high to double overhead, these spots will begin to break. On a medium tide, with a decent sized swell, one can score relatively empty waves even when other breaks are crowded.

Access: Staircase has a parking lot, which requires dinero. You can park at Leo Carrillo and walk over to Heavens, or you can park on PCH, and use one of the trails to climb down to the water.

Pros: When the swell and tide are spot on, you can catch some nicely shaped waves with relatively few people in the water. Great spot for beginners as well.

Cons: Though the waves can be good, usually there’s nothing.

Surf fact: Heavens is part of Leo Carrillo State Beach, which was named after the famous actor Leopoldo Antonio Carrillo. Also, the beach is used for a lot of movies, like “The Karate Kid,” “Point Break,” and “The Usual Suspects.”

County Line Surf Spot Review

While not actually on the county line between Ventura and LA, this spot acts like the DMZ (minus the landmines), officially demarcating surfwise where the land of sun and botox ends, and the realm of oil derricks and strawberries begins. That point aside, no matter what the conditions are, you will always find someone surfing County Line. That’s because there is almost always something surfable there, even when it’s no bigger than an ankle slapper.

Location: Coming north from Malibu on PCH, you can’t miss it. It is right along the highway near the Ventura/LA county line. If you do miss it, you’re probably as blind as Mr. Magoo and shouldn’t be driving.

Setup: At the north end of the beach is point/reef break that offers up a fast peaky right. There is also a short left, but be prepared to share your wave (and board) with the local rocks. At the south end of the beach is mysto-spot 600 yards from shore known as “County Line Bambora,” and it only breaks when the swell is f-ing large. In between the two spots is a collection of constantly shifting but very fun beachbreaks.

Swell and tide: Whether it is south, northwest, or anything in between, any swell from the great Pacific will break here. Often times, County will be bigger than most spots to the south when the waves are fickle. The beachbreaks are better on a high tide, while the reef/point at the north end is better on a low tide.

Access: Park on PCH, or in the dirt lot at the north end of the beach.

Pros: Consistent, reliable, and often times pretty fun. The shifting beachbreaks tends to keep the line up spread out.

Cons: Due to its location, Vals and Thousand Dokies tend to flock here, so it is usually crowded with a rather diverse skill level of surfers. It also can blow out rather easily, and has a tendency to look bigger than it actually is.

Surf fact: Neptune’s Net is right across from County Line and has some great seafood. It is also used in a lot of movies; so don’t be surprised if you see Johnny Utah or the Big Wednesday crew munching on some crab legs.